2016 —
You were the worst year of my life, but also the best.
Strange, right? How can that be? Remember, rainbows follow thunderstorms.
This post is a year and 2 months late but the journey getting here was hard (don’t worry - I wore a really big helmet and bullshit repellent) & i’m finally ready to share.
“Kirsten, what are you up to these days? Where are you working? Are you and Keith planning on having kids soon? You know, your body is at optimal reproducing age.” I am usually able to muster up the gumption and talk my way through the long, painstakingly dreadful conversation (while not mentioning my health) where in the end I knew they would walk off back to their life and I would go home and cocoon. Cocoon myself into a vat of blankets and hunker down on the couch or in bed and let the tears fall. But only for a little while, 30 minutes tops (& only if i’m alone) and then I get up and move on.
I know most people are being kind in their quest to find out what I do and I never take it personally or get upset simply because somebody asked me an uncomfortable question. No, the fact that people actually care is extremely heartwarming. But in that moment, i’m quickly reminded of all the things I can not do; like kids, nope can’t carry those. Dishes…definitely unable to get those done daily. Hell, I can barely get a shower taken every other day. Or I just simply don't have the energy for a shower AND something else; some days the “something else” takes priority.
{INSERT FUTURE KIRSTEN HERE } What is it they say…?… “Forgive yourself for not knowing the things you didn’t know before you learned them.” Wow, that shit is powerful!! Someday you will understand how important you are to the people in your life and how worthy you are of all the things that make you happy. If there are negative forces in your life…well, just throw some confetti at them. Let them know the bullshit repellent works.
So, to answer those questions…I’m living. Living the best life I can in the body I was given.
Remember, “Count your Rainbows, not your Thunderstorms!”
xoxo
Kirsten 💕