the repetitive motion keeps playing like a soundtrack until the fog finally lifts and i’m free

i would like to remind you..


all that healing you’ve done over the years

the endless hours you’ve spent upleveling your life

it will fall apart at times

but you will have a better rebound because of it

so don’t give up

don’t give in

move through it

even when it’s so very hard

the days will pass and you will question yourself and your worth

but remember…

YOU are the only one that has made it through all of your days

you did that

nobody else

you are a warrior

you have everything you need already within you

keep it up until you reach the sunshine

chances are the time will come where you will have to do it all again

remember it is okay

remember you are okay

you are not broken

your pieces just need squeezed back together again

remind yourself of all the times you’ve done it before

& then do it again

& again

& again

because you, my dear one, are worth it all 🖤




Well, if you know me, you know I like to write.

Especially when I’m going through some tougher times.

It really helps me get out of my current headspace and break through the barriers to the other side.

I hope you have found something that helps you.

This season has been rough.

Real rough.

Between the loneliness of living where we currently do + the weather, my mood has been quite somber for a couple weeks.

I am coming out of the fog and feeling better.

But, damn.

It hits you like a brick sometimes.

Illness has brought so much gratitude to my life, but I would be lying if I said every time i felt stagnant sadness arrive, it didn’t make me spiral into “omg. I don’t want to feel like this again.”

Every time the hard season arrives it is difficult for me to remember all the tools I have now.

How much better my health actually is.

It’s like an immediate flash back to “I don’t want that!”

& it hurts and it’s painful.

I question if I’m strong enough to put in the work to keep ten feet away from said spiral.

Which, in turn, just makes me spiral mentally because of the negative mindset; the lack of faith and trust that I have in myself and the moment.

The repetitive motion keeps playing like a soundtrack until the fog finally lifts and I’m free.

Let’s talk about loneliness for a minute.

I bet you’ve felt it.

& I bet it has hurt like hell.

It’s one of my hardest things.

I love our home, our land.

But the town. Eh. Well. Not so much.

It’s pretty hard to find much inspiration around here.

Or let alone pals.

I miss Cedar Rapids.

The convenience of it.

Seeing my friends.

Getting my hair done.

Being able to plop down in a bookstore or a coffee shop.

Visit the garden center and warming my bones in the greenhouses (especially on these damp spring days).

& seeing my Mom.

The restaurants I grew to like.

The amazing grocery stores.

It was quite a literal dream to live far enough away from a city where I didn’t have to participate in the every day aspect of it but could be there in 30 minutes bopping around town.

Pros and cons to life, right?

I wouldn’t leave our current home to go back to my childhood home, but I would pick this house + land up and plop it down where we were.

I’m an introvert.

I like to spend most of my time alone.

But I miss my people.

A lot.


This was me a lot over the last few weeks.

Feeling lots of physical pain due to the weather + a lot of sadness due to loneliness.

& might I remind you that within that time, I spent 4 full consecutive days with friends and family. Having a wonderful time.

Absolutely wonderful.

But sadness & pain show up whenever they wants.

While many things can be so good, things can be hard too.


People don’t like to talk about loneliness.

For some reason the topic is too vulnerable. (Which means it’s right up my alley.)

But we all feel it.

Why do we act like it doesn’t exist?

Every time I think about it, I remember all the conversations I had with my Grandpa Lambert over the last few years of his life.

They were always about the topic of loneliness.

I think he may be the only human I’ve had such in depth conversations with about it.

Why do we shield ourselves so much.

Are we afraid of being hurt?

News flash.

Everything you’ve felt before.

Somebody else has too.

Everything you’ve done before.

Somebody else has too.

Culturally, we have pushed so many things off the talking table due to shame.

Which just puts us into a deeper hole of shame.

But when you can speak openly about it and share the experience with somebody…

Guess what.

The shame tends to dissipate.

You feel heard.

Understood.

Not alone.


So I challenge you to that.

Choose something you may be feeling shame about.

It doesn’t have to be “bad”.

Maybe you shit your pants at 34 years old. (It’s me. I did that. This past weekend.)

Then open up to somebody in your close circle.

Share with them.

I bet you’ll be surprised.


Anyway.

I hope you move through the week with grace and wholeness.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.

I hope they made you feel just the slightest bit seen.


As always, thanks for being here.

Feel free to reach out.

Love hearing from you.

xoxo

Kirsten ☀️


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