WHAT DO I HOLD AT HIGHEST VALUE TO MY LIFE?
THIS SEEMS LIKE SUCH AN EASY QUESTION. BUT IT ISN’T. WE OFTEN FIND IT DIFFICULT TO RECOGNIZE WHAT IS ACTUALLY IMPORTANT TO US, WHAT WE THINK SHOULD BE IMPORTANT TO US AND WHAT WE ARE TAUGHT SHOULD BE IMPORTANT TO US.
ON THAT NOTE, THROW OUT SOCIETAL NORMS AND CONNECT TO YOUR SOUL. LISTEN TO IT. LET IT TELL YOU WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.
HERE IS AN EXERCISE THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO CONNECT TO WHAT REALLY MATTERS MOST TO YOU. FROM THERE YOU CAN REARRANGE YOUR LIFE SO THESE THINGS CAN COME INTO FRUITION.
I have let you in on what is most important to me and the reasoning why I chose each thing.
Also, I hope it will help you understand me and what I stand for a little more.
Recognize that these things may not hold true for you.
& guess what? There is not a damn thing wrong with that.
We all perceive life and every situation differently.
Remember, it takes all kinds of kinds.
At the end of this post, there will be two PDF files.
One is for you to print and fill out & one is Keith's answers, minus the explanation.
This was hard for him and he kindly asked that I keep some of his answers private. If you see blanks that is why.
You will also notice that there are things that are important to him that are not at all important to me and vice versa.
Guess what? We still love each other. We still want to do life together. We still support each other.
If you are following my healing journey, I highly recommend you print this out and do it for yourself.
(I will also be referring to this post later on when we work on building a personal mission statement.)
It gets pretty raw when you sit back and think about what actually matters to you.
At the end, you can compare it to how you live and behave and see if your thoughts and actions hold true to who you want to be.
If you're honest, this exercise will bring you so much closer to yourself and impact everything you do in positive a light.
This whole exercise is about reaching ultimate happiness.
If you are not living true to what is important to you, you will never reach ultimate happiness.
Remember, in order to change something you can't continue to choose the same patterns that destroy you.
Alright, this shit is pretty raw so welcome to my "what matters".
Enjoy.
IMAGINE YOUR LIFE. CHOOSE THREE THINGS YOU NEED IN LIFE TO OBTAIN ULTIMATE HAPPINESS. THESE CAN NOT BE EMOTIONS OR POSSESSIONS.
*my words happen to be the ones I chose in June while in Bali; they still hold true.
1. Flow - an even flow is crucial to me and my happiness. While I need routine in my life, I also need to be fluid and accept changes. Life gets crazy. Once I accepted that, I could structure my day to accommodate change and not rock my boat.
2. Creativity - if I’m not doing something creative within my day I feel dead. Creativity is my ultimate form of expression.
3. Peacefulness - the introvert in me does not need constant stimulation. I’m a much better me when I can be still.
WHAT ARE THREE EMOTIONS I WANT TO FEEL EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE?
1. Interest - your girl loves to learn.
2. Joy - is there any better feeling?
3. Calmness - when my mind is at peace, my life is at peace.
WHAT ARE THREE EMOTIONS I WANT OTHERS TO FEEL WHILE AROUND ME?
1. Trust - whether I am your secret keeper or the person you can throw it all on the table with, I hope I have earned your trust. No judgement here.
2. Excitement - who doesn’t want people to show excitement to be around them. If you hit me up for a lunch date, you best believe that couple hours I am fully yours.
3. Calmness - anxiousness decreases the ability to properly communicate. & I want all the communication. Calmness opens fields of communication you never knew existed.
HOW DO I WANT TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL?
1. Accepted / Understood - I recently had a friend send me a quote the other day that said, “Be the woman who fixes another woman’s crown without telling the world it was crooked.” She typed, “you are that person”. One of my best compliments if I do say so myself. Being the INFJ that I am, I take pride in the fact that I can fully accept everybody for exactly who they are.
2. Worthy - I will never hold your worthiness to your social class, your religion, your race, your income, the car you drive or anything material. If you are kind and you are trying your best that is enough. A quote my Dad uses will always hold true in my book, “Don’t judge a man before he’s 30, because by the time he’s 30 he may be one hell of a man”. To me that works at any age.
3. Empowered - I want you to leave our conversation, dinner, impromptu meet up, whatever it may be, feeling like you can do all the things you want to do. That you are capable of whatever you set you mind to. As long as you put in the time and work for it. Don’t let what feels good now overpower what you want in the end. Hit the gym when you don’t want to, wake up 30 minutes early to have some alone time, spend part of your Sunday meal prepping for the week.
WHAT ARE THREE THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO EVERYDAY?
1. Waking up knowing I will feel good! - can you believe I haven’t spent a day in bed since August 13, 2017. Hot dog! Go me! I will never take waking up feeling good for granted a day in my life.
2. Morning cat cuddles - they don’t always sleep with us but know when our alarms go off. Never fails they will wake us up 15-20 minutes before our alarm goes off to get some cuddle time before we hop out of bed. Makes me feel needed and I love them!
3. Time with my husband - we love to be outside together, but it is hard this time of year. Right now we are into board games.
WHAT ARE THREE THINGS I NEED EVERYDAY?
1. A hug or physical touch - it doesn’t always have to be from Keith. I can get by with some cat cuddles or some snuggles from a family member or friend.
2. Water - water is life!
3. Food - food is life! & I love that it doesn't make me sick anymore. Thank you, plant based diet. It is so nice to have a good relationship with food again.
WHAT ARE MY THREE MOST MEANINGFUL POSSESSIONS?
1. My books - all the knowledge I have gained from them is irreplaceable.
2. Blankie - a baby blanket my great grandma made me that still holds residence in my bed. I have graduated from traveling with it though. At 29. Ha!
3. My wedding band - I would say my husband, but he isn’t my possession. This is something that holds me close to him. (My cats are not a possession either, they are beings.)
WORK GOALS:
1. To do something that makes me feel empowered - something that makes me want to get out of bed and get started everyday.
2. To not let it consume my life and time with my family - while I will love what I do, it is work. It will not disturb what is most important to me, which is my family and my health. If my relationships are slacking, work needs to change. I will stop saying yes so much. I will prioritize things differently and work on time management.
3. To learn something everyday - because what is life if you aren’t learning, changing and growing. How boring would life be if you did the same thing over and over and never made space to learn something new.
HEALTH GOALS:
1. Eat healthy - whole foods, plant based baby. A little fish when I’m in Mexico. Keeping the gut happy, my mind fog free and the joints lubricated.
2. Drop those last 20 pounds - culturally we seem to all want this. Maybe it’s a sign that we, as a culture, have stepped away from a healthy & active lifestyle and placed more emphasis on things that don’t benefit our health. & ultimate happiness.
3. To always maintain an active lifestyle - not to dump on my parents here (they have offered me so many good things in this life), but I wish they would have been more active parents. Taken walks with us, hit the tennis court, etc. & they did when we asked, but I wish they would have made it a priority of their own so in turn we would have learned from their behavior. It's never too late to form healthy habits, friends. Surround yourself with people who live an active lifestyle and it will come easy to you.
PARENT GOALS:
*as you know, I am not one but I still have goals.
1. To allow my kids to fully follow their soul path - other people’s opinions heavily influenced what I wanted for my life. Or what I thought I wanted. I hope to offer advice only when it is warranted and never steer them toward one decision or the other. To simply guide them to follow their intuition.
2. To practice gentle parenting - some of you may be rolling your eyes at me saying “if only you knew how hard it was”. But I will remind you it has worked for many. My life, my goal. You become who you hang around. Kids don’t have a choice.
3. To never portray my dislikes and fears upon them - Mom hates mushrooms so I thought I did too. Until I was 30!! Dad is scared of heights. Naturally I thought I was too until the rush of adrenaline came over me on the air glory at the fair one year. & now I’m hooked. We all have our things. But I will try my hardest to not pass them along to the next generation. I can't promise i'll be successful when it comes to mice.
SPOUSE GOALS:
1. More sex - cause, duh… I like it. & it is a great source of connection.
2. To laugh with each other everyday - shared laughter is the best laughter.
3. To always practice good communication - be open guys, your relationship will level up. Being vulnerable is scary, but not addressing issues is scarier. Live together. Include each other. Let them know how you’re feeling even if it may hurt them. How can we change things when we don’t know they need changed? If you need more positive affirmations, tell them. More intimacy, tell them. A note to the wise: concentrate on expressing things they can do to make you happy rather than expressing things they do that drive you crazy. They are not stupid, they will catch on. No need to belittle each other.
HOW DO I WANT TO LOOK:
1. Confident - this is so tough for me. & I don’t mean in my appearance. I’m pretty confident with that. Are there some things that I wish were different? Duh, of course. But I’m talking about holding my head high, not rolling my shoulders forward to hide my boobs & being comfortable around a crowd of people I don’t know.
2. Content - happy to just be.
3. Healthy - I want to look fit, properly nourished and clear eyed.
MANIFEST:
What are three things you want to have done by next year?
1. Travel to Hawaii, Costa Rica or Vietnam.
2. To be the fittest I’ve ever been.
3. Have a steady income.
READ THIS. EVERY MORNING IF YOU NEED TO. MEMORIZE IT. LIVE BY IT. ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND THAT THE THIGNS ON THESE LISTS ARE YOUR FOUNDATION TO A HAPPY LIFE. DON’T LET OTHERS TELL YOU YOUR LIST IS WRONG. FIND WAYS TO HAVE THESE THINGS EVERYDAY. YOU MAY LOSE FRIENDS. YOU MAY HAVE TO FIND A NEW JOB. YOU MAY NEED TO RE-BUDGET YOUR LIFE. BUT WHEN YOU GET HERE AND YOU LOOK BACK, EVERY ONE OF YOU WILL SAY, “THAT WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY EASY; WISH I WOULD HAVE DONE IT SOONER.” DON’T BE UPSET ABOUT THE TIMELINE. KNOW EVERYTHING LEADING UP TO IT WAS A CHAPTER OF YOUR LIFE. ACCEPT IT. LEARN FORM IT. DON’T HANG ON TO THE PAST AND WASTE YOUR FUTURE. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS. GO GET IT.